Ranking of Cute Doggos Ends In Billion-Way Tie
NEW YORK - Neighborhood dog-judge Michael Landis recently attempted to rank the top ten dogs and ended up with a billion-way tie between basically every dog ever and even some cats, sources confirm.
“I have an intricate grading system,” Landis began. “There are 96 different categories, ranked out of 100 each, then the scores are averaged to find a grade, and every dog is ordered using that system. The problem I ran into was all ten I attempted to rank ended up tied for first place, so I added more and more dogs in an attempt to get an actual top ten together, but it turns out every dog is tied for first.”
First place dog, Frank Doggello, appeared accepting of the final decision by the ranking system.
“I’m fine with it,” he commented. “I agree, we all deserve to be first place, because we’re all best friends!”
The supposedly definitive ranking system for dogs, though proven to be essentially useless, is being continually implemented anyway, just in case there are any dogs that don’t get a perfect score of 100, though it is highly unlikely.
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz