Not-Dog Week Exists For Some Reason
NEW YORK - This week is the annual celebration known as Shark Week, which does not feature dogs, marking yet another event that makes zero sense whatsoever, basically every source ever confirms.
“This is ridiculous, I mean, sharks are awesome, but obviously doggos are preferable,” began neighborhood Beagle, Bark McGrath. “It’s just silly. Show us doggos or show us nothing… Though, to be honest, sharks are pretty sweet, so maybe I need to rethink my position.”
Programmers at Discovery have agreed they may have made a huge mistake.
“People like sharks, so we thought this would be a fun idea,” Discovery’s head of programming, Nate Sherber, commented. “In retrospect, obviously we should have done dog week instead. Everyone likes sharks, but everyone LOVES dogs. My bad everyone!”
While the general consensus is a dog week would be better than a shark week, there were a few contrarians.
“Listen, this whole thing is dumb,” started a frustrated and irate Hammerhead Shark. “Give us this one thing. Come on. All year everyone is afraid of us, even though we don’t generally attack humans, but that stupid movie gave us a bad reputation. Anyhow, literally every day is dog day, dog week, dog month, everyone always loves dogs, they don’t need a special time of year. This is our thing. Just let us have this one thing. Come on! End rant!”
While some were tempted to speak out against the sharks perspective, it was decided unwise as sharks could easily bite their heads off, both figuratively in a debate, and also literally.
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz