Government Gives Go-Ahead On DIY 3-D Printable Doggos
WASHINGTON - After DoggoTec introduced the prototype for the first ever 3-D printable dog, a government hearing has decided to allow research to continue, sources confirm.
“We saw what this 3-D printer can do, and we are impressed!” stated a representative from D.C. “I look forward to a day when we can 3-D print pets. That way we don’t have to deal with these rescue pets that need all kinds of medications and stuff. What a hassle!”
DoggoTec CEO, Jessica Morgan, expressed optimism in the timeline and functionality for the Printable Doggo 2.0.
“I think when we roll out the first generation in 2019 people will be very pleased with the results,” she began. “It will be like any other dog, just, made of plastic, and hairless, and completely emotionless. But it will simulate being man’s best friend. Also don’t let it get too hot because it will melt. Also it doesn’t eat regular food, instead you have to refill this water tank located on the underside - you know what, it’s going to come with directions, don’t worry about it, it’ll be great.”
“This will also pave the way for artificial animals that we eat, so we can end mistreatment of chickens and cows and what not,” Morgan added. “This will have real world benefits beyond just printing cute doggies at home.”
Though this is an enormous step forward for science, there are several groups speaking out against the research.
“We do not approve of artificial intelligence,” said a protester, who used Siri to find the location of the protest, and Google Maps to navigate there, and has clearly never seen that Sarah McClachlan commercial. “It’s just not right!”
While research is moving forward, progress is slow as every prototype causes all work to stop while everyone cuddles with the robot doggo.
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz