Breaking: Cat Hates Everything
NEW YORK - Neighborhood Cat, Lisa, has confirmed she does in fact hate literally everything, just as many had suspected for a long time.
“It’s true,” she began. “There does not exist a single thing that I don’t hate. Well, hate is a strong word, I more just don’t care about anything. I suppose that’s accurate. I just don’t care.”
Several other cats have also expressed disinterest in basically everything.
“I only care about one thing, and one thing only,” Cara, another neighborhood cat mentioned. “I am completely indifferent to 99% of things in the world. The one thing I care about is this red dot that keeps moving around on the ground here. Other than catching that red dot, I hate everything else. Go ahead, name a thing, I promise I hate it, or am indifferent. Try me!”
The litter of felines continued insisting they hate everything until one smelled nearby tuna, when suddenly they all simultaneously went doe-eyed and rushed into the kitchen.
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz