Creative Use of Adjectives in Petfinder Profile Not Fooling Anyone
BALTIMORE — The creative use of adjectives used to describe three-year-old English bulldog, Mr. Spaghetti, by City of Baltimore Animal Shelter volunteers “isn’t fooling anyone”, according to multiple experts on the subject.
“Oh wow,” said Instagram follower, Matteo Turek, of the adoptable dog’s recently shared Petfinder profile. “Yeah this whole thing is basically a huge red flag. If the clip art, weird font, and goggles didn’t tip you off, the name really should. Mr. Spaghetti? It’s way too cute, someone is definitely hiding something.”
In addition to the distracting imagery used in Mr. Spaghetti’s plea for an adopter, the words chosen to describe the dog read to some as “suspicious” and “definitely bullshit.”
“To the average reader, one would assume Mr. Spaghetti to be the ideal companion, but it’s important that you learn to interpret the language before jumping to conclusions,” explained amateur linguist and frequent Petfinder scroller “just for the pics,” Jane Yamaguchi. “A ‘dedicated owner’ is simply someone with thousands of dollars to spend on whatever medical problems this dog is riddled with, while a ‘curious puppy at heart’ translates loosely to ‘definitely isn’t going to listen to you.’ Factor in the invitation to ‘start your day with a smile’ and you can pretty much count on being woken up at 5 a.m. to feed a dog who will spend the rest of the day farting a bunch and barking for no reason. His goggles are so cute though, OMG.”
At press time, Mr. Spaghetti was seen enacting his trademark “lust for life” in the shelter’s lobby.
Article By Krissy Howard - @peoplefoood