Proud, Fierce Descendant of Wolves, Nicknamed "Mama's Pookie-Kins”
DALLAS, T.X. - Neighborhood Maltese Bailey, the evolutionary descendant of wolves, was nicknamed “Mama’s Pookie-Kins,” reports confirm.
“He’s just SOOO CUTE!” said Bailey’s owner, Kelsey Reardon. “Ugh I can’t stand it, I could just EAT HIM UP!”
Bailey, whose forefathers would have summoned their pack and torn Reardon to shreds for attempting such a threat, has acclimated to the level of pampering he’s received.
“I’ve accepted her as the alpha,” Bailey said of his human, who never could have hoped to domesticate the 180-pound predator from which he evolved. “That’s just the way things work around here: she gives me food and water, and in exchange I get snuggles on Girls’ Wine Night.”
“I feel bad for the guy,” commented Bailey’s friend, a German Shepard named Roscoe. “I mean we all love attention from our humans, but at least I can still run and hunt if I have to.”
“It isn’t all bad,” added Bailey, whose claws were laughably insufficient to bring down even the smallest elk his ancestors took as prey. “Every Wednesday we go to the Lucky Dog bakery and my human buys me a gluten-free cherry chew.”
At press time, Bailey’s owner was seen braiding a bow into his fur.
Article by Mark Hassenfratz - @mhassenfratz