Dog Not Fierce Hunter He Thought He Was
NEW YORK - Daniel Dog-Lewis, neighborhood dog, has recently faced the realization that he is not the fierce hunter he once thought he was, sources indicate.
“He went outside, to hunt, as you do,” began long time friend Bark Maron. “But as he approached even a small bird that should be defenseless, it didn’t recoil in fear, but instead came at him. He immediately fled back inside, shaken.”
Daniel Dog-Lewis confirmed the story, elaborating on the trauma.
“I thought I would be like those wolves in the commercial for my food,” he began. “But as soon as I tried to go hunt, I got attacked. Who knew that tiny pigeon would be so fast, and have such a monstrous wingspan. It was horrifying. I thought I might die. My entire life flashed before my eyes!”
Dog-Lewis has since declared he prefers to wait at the foot of his owner’s bed for belly rubs, and not worry so much about “the hunt.”
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz