Dog Deciding Which Human Most Likely To Feed Him
NEW YORK - Alfred, a neighborhood dog, closely examined the guests at his owner's dinner party, attempting to determine which among them would be most susceptible to his “puppy eyes,” and thus most likely to share their food, sources allege.
“James, my owner, won't share with me anymore, he knows better,” Alfred began. “Now, his sister is usually an easy mark, but I think this newcomer, the one next to the sister, we've never met before, I think if I plant myself in his eye line, he'll be rendered defenseless.”
Alfred closely studied the other guests around the table, taking into account how many times they've interacted, the last time he got food from them, and most importantly, what everyone had to offer.
“James’ friend, Dev, he's an easy mark, but he's vegan,” Alfred continued. “I mean, what's even the point, right? If I wanted vegan, I'd go outside and eat grass, come on now.”
Alfred eventually called a “game time audible” and just jumped up on the table to pick out whatever he wanted, reasoning, “Why waste time, right?”
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz