Brilliant Actor Brings Home Gold Human-Shaped Chew Toy

Brilliant Actor Brings Home Gold Human-Shaped Chew Toy

Oscars Article.jpg

NEW YORK - A brilliant actor, and owner of Rocky, a neighborhood beagle, received a new chew toy that happens to be gold and shaped like a man, sources allege.

“He walked in the door, in the middle of the night, bow tie undone, tuxedo jacket over his arm, and suspenders already unhooked and dangling, with this amazing new chew toy in his hand,” Rocky began. “It looks like a man with his arms crossed, its gold, very heavy, has an inscription that reads Best Actor, real fancy. I can’t wait to get a hold of that. Seems like much higher quality than most of my chew toys. He really went all out for me this time!”

Rocky’s owner, a highly acclaimed and respected performer in the entertainment industry, was sure to place the new chew toy far out of Rocky’s reach.

“I really don’t want him chewing on this one,” he began. “This thing means a lot to me. I’ve been working towards this for close to twenty years already. This is the big one!”

Plans are already in the works to get the statue from the top shelf in the living room, as Rocky has expressed becoming bored with the other chew toys previously procured from said top shelf, including the one that looks like a winged woman holding an atom, the one that looks like a gramophone, and the one that looks like a giant coin.


Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz

Dog Deciding Which Human Most Likely To Feed Him

Dog Deciding Which Human Most Likely To Feed Him

Dog Continues Attempting To Burrow Beneath Door

Dog Continues Attempting To Burrow Beneath Door