Baby Masters Finger Foods, Table-Scrap Shortage Predicted

Baby Masters Finger Foods, Table-Scrap Shortage Predicted

Table Scraps.jpg

HARTFORD, CT - Morgan and Stanley, two neighborhood dogs, have predicted a shortage in table scraps as the Hutton family’s infant, Sally, begins mastering finger food and becoming less messy, sources indicate.

“Before Sally started making a mess, Fred and Ginny would make us go through a whole routine just for a half a Beggin’ Strip,” Morgan began. “I fear we will soon be returning to those days. I predict a huge shortage in not only table scraps, but dropped food, thrown food, flung food, spilled food, and food secretly handed to us when Fred and Ginny aren’t looking.”

Stanley described the current state of table scraps as a bubble that grew too quickly and would inevitably burst.

“I’ve been saying it since the beginning,” Stanley commented. “Once that kid figures out how to eat, we’re done for. We had a nice short term boom, but long term such profitability just isn’t sustainable.”

Shadow, an elder of the neighborhood, commented on his similar experiences.

"My humans have had three kids," Shadow started. "It's always the same. It’s cyclical. One day they’re dropping food for you, and then suddenly, they're sitting right at the kitchen table, wielding forks and spoons like they were born with them.”

“In a few months, the only thing Sally will be dropping under the table is... vegetables," Shadow predicted, with a shudder.


Article by William Leisner - @bleisner

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