Terrier Determined to Eat Golf Ball
DOYLESTOWN, PA - Matilda, a neighborhood Terrier known to never walk away from a fight, suffered an unprecedented level of frustration after a recent attempt to ingest a new golf ball found in the park, sources indicate.
“That Titleist is going in my stomach if it’s the last thing I do,” she boasted, with the confidence of a Golden Retriever. “Either I’ll eat it, or I’ll die trying. They can take my dignity, but they can never take my will to eat a golf ball.”
Though after close to an hour, Matilda’s gut instinct is to continue trying to eat the golf ball, she eventually surmised she needed a contingency plan, and seeked outside help.
“What works for me is shaking the ball around violently,” advised a neighborhood Jack Russell, Hercules. “If you can outlast that thing, it’ll be yours for the eating. Trust me, I know what I’m doing, I eat golf balls all the time; one time I even ate a bowling ball with that method.”
The most unexpected and progressive alternative, however, came from Matilda’s human.
“I swear to God, she’s gonna swallow that damn thing,” she exclaimed in a Facebook live video of Matilda’s struggle, unaware that she may have divulged a secret technique to solving a puzzle that has been stumping dogs for centuries. “Don’t know why she’s bothering to chew, but she’ll probably figure it out eventually, right?”
Armed with fresh ideas and an unopened box of Denti-stix, Matilda has already made arrangements to square off with the ball in the park again in the near future. While she acknowledges that there may be crowds, Matilda insists that she’s not doing this for the publicity.
“If that ball tastes half as good as it looks, then that’s all the payment I need,” Matilda said with earnest. “And I’m coming for that frisbee next.”
Article by Chris Calabrese - @chris_calabrese