Dog Again Forced To Watch The Notebook
LOS ANGELES - Sadie, an eight-year-old bulldog, was again forced to sit through The Notebook following her owner’s most recent heartbreak, sources confirm.
“Linda, my owner, came home from her date an hour early and was clearly very upset,” commented Sadie. “Her makeup was smeared and she was holding a shopping bag filled with ice cream and snacks, but she refused to tell me what was wrong. She didn’t keep me guessing for long, though. I knew exactly what her problem was when she dug out her battered Blu-ray copy of The Notebook. She goes through the same routine every time this happens.”
All too familiar with Linda’s post-breakup agenda, Sadie effortlessly recounts last night’s events.
“First, she sobs through The Notebook while inhaling a pint of triple chocolate ice cream,” Sadie explains. “Then, she tries to cheer herself up by throwing on her “2000s Throwback” playlist, but she always forgets that John Mayer’s Dreaming With A Broken Heart is in there, so she starts crying all over again. Finally, she puts The Notebook on AGAIN, and proceeds to drunkenly explain to me how she’s never going to date again, before falling asleep in her mom’s old wedding dress.”
Sadie has been unsympathetic throughout this messy separation, but she was not always so disenchanted with Linda’s heartbreak itinerary.
“I used to feel just as heartbroken as she did,” Sadie added. “I mean, of course I did. I’m her best friend. I took it personally every time. But after a dozen times, you have to start questioning her choices. I mean, she really thought Chuck, the artisanal bong-maker, was the one? If this is going to keep happening, the least she could do is let me have some of that triple chocolate.”
Sources confirm Linda plans to watch A Walk to Remember, Dear John, and The Last Song in the coming days, though luckily for Sadie she has not yet added Love, Actually to the cue.
Tucker Hutchinson - @tuckhutch77