Human Not Dead, Was Just At Store

Human Not Dead, Was Just At Store

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MADISON, WI - Pepper, a beagle mix, was thrilled to find out her human, Mike Wells, was not dead after all, but rather at the grocery store, sources confirm.

“After Mike walked out the door, I couldn’t see him anymore, so naturally I assumed he was dead and gone forever,” Pepper began. “I was thrilled to find out he was just in the Meat Zone for 20 minutes.”

Wells clarified, “The Meat Zone” refers to their local Trader Joe’s.

“Pepper goes crazy whenever I come back from an errand,” Wells explained. “I’m not sure why. Sometimes I just close the door on myself and then open it again and she flips out like I’m a soldier who just got back from war. Honestly, I wish I could tell the soldiers in those YouTube videos whose dogs are flipping out that they could’ve just gone to Trader Joe’s.”

“It’s hard,” Pepper continued. “It’s hard when you think your human is dead, or at least in some otherworldly purgatory that has juicy meat. Every time he closes that door I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.”

“I don’t know where or how Mike exists when I can’t see him, but I’m glad he’s back. With meat.”


Article by Hana Michels - @hanamichels

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