Owner Requests Dog Never Ghost Him Like She Did

Owner Requests Dog Never Ghost Him Like She Did

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NEW YORK - Bark Maron, a neighborhood Beagle, was once again asked by his owner not to “ghost” him, sources confirm.

“I don’t know what that means, but for some reason he just keeps repeating ‘please don’t ever ghost me Barky Maron’ at me,” Maron began recalling. “I don’t know what it means, but it always leads into, ‘you’ll never ghost me like her, I know you won’t, cause you’re my best friend,’ which is like, whatever, but THEN it leads into getting tons of pets and treats, so I’m fine with it. We take what we can get, ya know?”

Maron’s owner, Aaron Leonard, had a habit of asking Bark Maron about his ghosting practices, often times late night just before bed.

“Here’s how it plays out,” Maron continued. “Aaron goes out at like 9, comes back around 2 in the morning, eats a ton of food, flips through options on Netflix for like an hour, plays some video games, then ends up pacing around the kitchen staring into his phone for some reason. This is generally my cue to step in, so I dutifully approach, of course. Then he bends down and asks about the ghosting thing. I wonder what that even means!”

Leonard would often follow up the ghosting conversation with various other questions that Maron is similarly illequipped to answer, including but not limited to:

  • Should I just text her?

  • Did she mean to answer but forget?

  • Should I text her now then say it was an accident cause it’s so late?

  • Should I like this Instagram Post?

  • Should I watch this Instagram Story?

  • Should I like this Tweet?

  • Is it still called “like” on Twitter, or is there a different term?

  • Should I order wings?

  • Should I wait till tomorrow but definitely text her again?

  • Should I like this Facebook post?

  • Has enough time passed since being ghosted to start texting again?

  • Do you think she’s just shy?

  • Should I eat this family size mac and cheese right now?

  • Should I just text her?

“I don’t really follow what any of this means, but no matter which series of inquiries are addressed, they all always end with treats, pets, and getting to sleep on the bed instead of the floor, so, whatever, I guess.”


Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz

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