Report: Dog Just Playing, Calm Down
NEW YORK - Neighborhood dog, Brent, was reportedly just playing when he bit a bystander at the park, sources confirm.
“I don’t know what the big deal is, he acts like he’s never gotten bit and started bleeding and had to go to the hospital before,” commented Brent’s owner, Sara Keener. “Like, take a chill pill, man. It’s just a fatal wound in your shoulder, jeez!”
The recipient of said “harmless” bite, Connor Plermb, has reportedly stabilized.
“I just remember getting mauled by this rottweiler, that’s kinda it,” he stated. “I love dogs too, so I simultaneously wanted to pet him and cuddle, but also was trying to run for my life. It was definitely a weird thing.”
At press time, it was confirmed Brent has found a new prey, but luckily this time it’s just his own tail.
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz