Dog Park Sees Record Number of Dogs Named Max and They Are All Very Confused Right Now
SILVER LAKE, C.A. - Visitors of the Silver Lake Dog Park have been experiencing a pooch pandemonium as the percentage of canines on the premises who are also named Max has reached an astonishing 87%, several sources confirmed.
“Everyone is screaming my name and I don’t who to go to anymore!” Max, a dog, explained. “And I can’t find my owner because there’s too many people here shaped like humans!”
On a typical day, the park sees no more than 3 Maxes at a time, but thanks to the new year, an increase in pet adoption, and the park’s recent renovation, there are more dog visitors than ever before. And where there’s more dogs, there’s also more dogs named Max.
“Maaaaax! Maaaaax!” shouted Ava, a woman who can’t get her dogs attention. “My god, he’s just standing there looking at all the people saying Max. I knew I should’ve given him a better name like Sam.”
The humans at some point had agreed to stop shouting at once and go one by one to retrieve their personal Maxes, but mid process even more Maxes showed up.
“I think I’ll just pick any human and go home with them,” another Max decided. “Mine’s kinda dumb and boring and I’m seeing a ton of hotter ones here right now.”
Worse yet, some of the humans have instigated the confusion on purpose.
“I named my dog Max because that’s also my name,” says a human named Max. “I thought it was funny. Also I’m so stoked this many people are yelling my name right now ‘cause it feels like friggin’ rush week all over again. Chyaaa! Fuck, I think someone’s taking my dog. MAAAX!”
Sadly, the only way to fix this problem is for people to stop naming their dogs Max, but as the most common dog name since the 1940’s, that doesn’t look like it will happen anytime soon.
Article by Courtney Paige Barnett - @OpenBarnett