Owner Not Actually Holding Treat
NEWTON, M.A. – Claire Matthews revealed to her dog, in what is being called one of the most incomprehensible and overall baffling spectacles to date, that she was not, in fact, holding a treat, sources allege.
“Where did it go?!” said neighborhood dog, Oliver, still attempting to reconcile how a treat that was definitely nestled between his human’s fingers one second could be gone the next. “I’m certain there was a treat in that fist, but then she opened her empty hand and pet me on the head. What is that about?!”
In disbelief, Oliver searched the kitchen floor around his owner to see if the treat may have fallen out of her grip and underneath a cabinet. After the initial search proved fruitless, a brief lick of his owner’s hands also turned up no trace of milk-bone crumbs.
“If there’s one thing I know for certain, it’s that when anyone has balled up their hand and shaken it around like there’s a treat in there, there is without question a treat in there,” continued Oliver. “That there would not be a treat in there this time, well, that is something science can never, and will never explain.”
After losing all trust in humans due to the realization there may never have been a treat to begin with, leading to a seemingly unending bout of existential dread, Oliver found a ball and was immediately happy again.
Article by Grant Mulitz - @gmulz