Sleeping Dog Smells Like Death
NEW YORK - Man’s pet dog, Shepard, has been sleeping in the living room for several days and is beginning to smell like death, sources indicate.
“I had to pop in the apartment the other day to get the rent check,” began the man’s landlord Pete Dewitt. “As soon as that door opened it hit me like a hot wall of stink. I don’t think he notices it anymore. He’s gotten used to it. It was like when the subway is approaching and you get a face full of that dirty subway breeze; except it smelled like death.”
The owner, Rob Murphy, claims to have not noticed the smell, or an inordinate amount of sleeping on Shepard’s part.
“I’m home all day with him, and I haven’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. I mean, I’ve been hanging around the apartment a lot lately,” Murphy remarked, continuing, “I mean, I guess we don’t fetch as much as we used to, but whatever, it’s fine. And yea, he used to jump up on the couch and watch TV with me. I guess he doesn’t do that too much anymore either. I’m sure it’s fine, he’s probably just depressed. Or maybe he got a whiff of Pete the landlord.”
Several of Shepard’s old friends have expressed worry over his lack of movement and distinct odor, indicative of decomposition.
“We used to go chase tail together,” local bulldog Burner commented. “Tail, like our tails, not in the weird way humans use it. Anyway, we would chase tails together, but I haven’t seen Shepard around in a while. I remember last time we went out together he ate something from the garbage that had a weird looking face with two bones under it. We assumed it was dogfood on account of the bones, but maybe it was no good?”
The mystery surrounding Shepard recent behavior continues to perplex onlookers, but Murphy has assured those close to him, “Shepard is just sleeping. Most likely. Probably. I think. I have to go.”