Goth Dog Only Sees Black and Black
NEW YORK - Goth dog, known only as ReXXX, has reported being visually impaired, seeing only black and black, sources allege.
“It is well documented canines can’t see colors. They only see shades of grey; black and white. ReXXX, however, can only see one shade of grey,” commented ReXXX’s veternarian, Dr. Marc Warner. “It’s not surprising considering his fur, much like the infinite void where his heart should be, is completely black.”
ReXXX’s owner, Patrick Ellen, has expressed support for the pet, no matter the circumstances.
“It’s fine. I get it. He’s ensconced in utter despair. His chest houses a vacuous landscape of nothingness. I love him anyway. I just wish he were a little more man’s best friend and a little less man’s best reminder of uncertainty, meaninglessness of life, and universal expiration,” said Ellen. “It would be nice to play fetch or something, instead of him watching me throw a ball then going off to bark poetry.”
ReXXX makes no apologies for being an introvert and realist, recognizing the futility of existence.
“Sometimes I just want to be left alone. I don’t understand why my owner keeps trying to bond with me. Can’t he tell my soul is consumed by dreary vacancy and absence of emotion. He keeps telling me he loves me, but I don’t feel love,” ReXXX stated. “Well, I guess I do feel love sometimes, but really just when I stick my head out the window while we’re driving. I like that. That’s awesome. Everything else is terrible though; for sure.”
ReXXX has recently been seen in the local Hot Topic, looking for a studded collar, and Disintegration on vinyl.