Underachieving Dog Perfectly Fine with Being Good Enough Boy
ANCHORAGE, AK - Local bulldog, Archie, has reportedly given up all hope of attaining the praise of good boy, instead settling for the term good enough, according to sources close to the matter.
“Honestly, I spent so many dog years worrying about living up to all these ‘good boy’ standards, and then one day I realized I wasn’t accepting Archie for Archie,” Archie said. “The truth is, I’m a morbidly obese six-year-old bulldog who sleeps nineteen hours a day and absolutely refuses to go outside if it’s raining, and I think that’s good enough.”
Archie’s underachieving ways have been measured over the years to include countless failed attempts at jumping up into the back seats of cars, “running all weird” to catch tennis balls but refusing to return them, and sleeping through various loud noises that would be considered alarming to most.
“I see Archie fall at least once a week,” said Dexter, a Border Collie-mix from the local dog park. “He’s built like one of those old wooden coffee tables from the ‘70s, I don’t even know how that’s structurally possible.”
Those closest to Archie are happy to learn that their friend has finally achieved self-acceptance.
“If he’s happy with who he is, then I’m happy for him,” said Archie’s owner, Deb. “I mean, when I found him at the pound he had every type of worm imaginable and only cost $45. I wasn’t exactly expecting a rocket scientist or anything.”
At press time, Archie was seen spitting a half-chewed baby carrot onto the kitchen floor for Deb to step on later.
Article By Krissy Howard - @peoplefoood