Sweater On Top Of Coat Seems Backwards
NEW YORK - Rob, a neighborhood dog, was confused when his owner dressed him in a sweater, despite already wearing a fur coat, sources allege.
“It makes, like, no sense, at all,” remarked Rob’s roommate Pongo. “Does our owner not realize it’s out of order? Everyone knows it goes sweater THEN coat. If we’re already wearing coats, why would you put this thing on top of that? That’s not even to mention how incredibly itchy those things are!”
Rob and Pongo’s owner, Dan Spurlig, seemed completely unaware of the logic flaw presented in his wardrobe decisions.
“I don’t get why they are so opposed to my doggie-sweaters,” Spurlig began. “They are always squirming about, trying to escape when I start dressing them. But like, it’s cold out, one would think the doggies would want the sweaters to keep them warm, right?”
Rob had attempted several tactics to get out of wearing the sweater, but inevitably was bested by Spurlig.
“Let’s see, I of course ran away, barked, clawed, teethed, the usual stuff,” Rob recalled. “When none of that worked, my strategy transitioned to getting the sweater off - or destroying it entirely. I tried eating it, scratching at it, rolling around incessantly. I even went outside and tried getting it caught on stuff. I even picked a fight with a bigger dog in hopes he would claw it off my body. Nothing seemed to work. I can’t get rid of this dumb sweater. I look like an idiot!”
To make matters worse, the sweater was recently confirmed by several sources as “ugly.”
Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz