Dog and Vacuum Finally Set Aside Differences
CHICAGO - Duke, a neighborhood Pitbull, has finally set aside differences, and allowed his longstanding feud with the vacuum cleaner to end, sources confirm.
“It all started back when my owner, Jessica, brought back the Shark Navigator NV370,” Duke commented. “I knocked over an entire box of cereal, and immediately began eating the whole mess. Jessica wouldn’t let me help however, apparently just waiting for a reason to get a vacuum. As soon as it came out of the box, I knew I didn’t like it one bit; it was nothing but trouble.”
Recalling the various atrocities the eternal rivalry has brought upon her household, Jessica expressed a slight level of remorse.
“Oh yeah, Duke really hated that thing,” Jessica remarked. “They had several quarrels over the years, and quite a few injuries. I had to bring him to the vet to get stitches after the infamous Battle of the Stairway.”
Duke asserts the closest he ever came to besting the vacuum was the Showdown at the Bedroom Closet, circa 2015.
“Jessica left the vacuum right outside the bathroom while she cleaned my primary water bowl,” Duke remembers. “I was hiding under a nearby bed in the room across the hall, waiting to carry out a surprise kamikaze assault. When the vacuum was unsuspecting, I pounced, but Jessica caught me.”
Though it was a long and difficult process, Duke and the vacuum finally agreed on a truce earlier today.
“He just stood there, not saying a word. I felt truly listened to.” Duke added. “In fact, the vacuum seemed completely lifeless. Either he was finally giving me the attention and respect I had earned, or maybe I had actually defeated him. Either way, we’ve found a way to co-exist now, which I know Jess is happy about.”
Though Duke and the vacuum have found common ground, tensions have once again become volatile with the introduction of a neighborhood Roomba.
Article by Tucker Hutchinson - @tuckhutch77