Gretchen Wieners Still Trying To Make Fetch Happen

Gretchen Wieners Still Trying To Make Fetch Happen

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NEW YORK - Gretchen Wieners, a neighborhood dachshund, is still trying to get her owner to play fetch, sources indicate.

“No matter how many times I say no, or ignore her, or just not do it, she keeps persisting,” commented owner Rachel Jenkins. “She just will not let up about making fetch happen.”

Several others have taken notice to Jenkins’ blatant refusal to partake in Gretchen’s preferred form of play.

“It’s pretty crazy because she is so so cute and adorable,” began friend and fellow dachshund, Princess Buttercup. “But I just don’t think it’s gonna happen. Rachel is like, pretty opposed to it. It’s a little weird, cause that’s like, what people do with dogs, they play fetch. Also, it’s such an easy way to make your dog happy, just throw something, and they go get it. But yea, she really just does not want fetch to happen.”

Gretchen has been attempting to initiate fetch for about a year, trying any and all tactics at her disposal, from sad eyes, to cute eyes, to running in circles then sad or cute eyes, to no avail.

“I bet if Rachel thought of it, it would happen,” Gretchen commented. “You know she just wants to be the alpha, the ‘Queen B’. She just doesn’t want to let fetch happen because I started it, and that would mean a good idea came from someone else. She’s totally like that! It’s the same like when I rolled around on the orange sweatshirt, but she refused to let me wear it, saying, ‘You can only wear sweats once a week… Also, it’s Wednesday. On Wednesdays we wear pink.’ She’s like a tyrant! She’s so mean!”

Recent reports have stated due to Gretchen’s innocent face, most feel comfortable confiding in her, describing her as “full of secrets.”

Article by Louie Aronowitz - @louiearonowitz

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